Bravado and threatening behaviour

Bravado and threatening behaviour Yesterday, I was stood between 2 people threatening to kill each other. One had accidentally hit the other by letting go of a spring loaded barrier (the kind used for guiding people in queues). The confrontation started with “Watch what you’re doing!” and escalated very quickly to “I’m going to destroy you!” Because we were standing in a queue, they were no more than arms length apart and, with me standing... Read More

Bullies

In order to change the behaviour of bullies it is important that we understand them. Most people find it difficult to comprehend bullying. How could people be so cruel? What would make someone want to hurt people? In this article, I would to offer you some insight into the mind of a bully so that you have a starting point for designing some ideas which can help to change the way they behave. Most bullies don’t know they are bullies. They don’t... Read More

Boy 14 threatens to shoot bullies: Sun article

While The Sun’s article may seem shocking, it is very common for victims of bullying to fantasise about retribution. The benefit of this fantasy is short term. It allows the person being bullied to feel some sense of control – in their imagination they can do whatever they like. It’s unfortunate for this child that he displayed his fantasy, in writing, on a forum which resulted in the police raiding his home. The good news is that... Read More

My manager is treating me badly

I was asked a great question on Facebook yesterday (28/10/10) which I’d like to answer here: “I have alleged that my boss was bullying me. Her boss said it was only my perception, surely that is the point. I like what you say about bullies not realising they are bullies my union rep said something similar, but surely you must realise it when you treat people badly” What you consider to be treating people badly is not necessarily... Read More

Bullying clip

This is an excellent clip of a bullying situation in progress. I recommend viewing the clip before you read on……. Let’s do some analysis: The bully is being highly intimidating. He is aware that he has an audience – that may, or may not, affect how he is behaving. I would guess that he is putting on a show and wants to show everyone how tough he is. He may still have had the confrontation without spectators, in which case it... Read More

Ignore bullies?

When training teachers in schools, I like to have them reflect on how they currently deal with bullying. I ask this: “When a child comes to you and tells you someone has said something nasty to them. How do you treat this child? How many of you would tell the child to “Just ignore” them?” Cue a sizeable group of teachers putting their hands in the air. Then I ask the question: “Which child is the one being ignored here?” The... Read More

Abused by their own children

Many parents are living in fear of their children, but are too ashamed to ask for help. They are being beaten and abused and are doing nothing to get help often because they feel ashamed. Statistically, girls are the most likely to be abusers and Mum’s are much more likely to be the targets although it’s very hard to see the real picture because so few people come forwards. The key here is power. The child takes the power away from the... Read More

Bullying Advice for Parents

It can be incredibly frustrating being a parent of a child who is being bullied. Most parents would do anything to protect their children from being deliberately harmed by others but often they can feel powerless to help. It can be especially frustrating when you know your child is being bullied but they won’t tell you about it. Or if they do, they will give a vague description of what is going on, likely missing out the very details you want... Read More

How to Deal With Bullying

There are many ways of dealing with bullying. Some are more effective than others but the most important thing to appreciate is that every bullying situation is different. What will work well in one situation may well make things worse in another. Because each bullying situation is unique, you need to be flexible. Bullies are usually very flexible themselves. They have to figure out which techniques will hurt you the most and which ones will get the... Read More

Bullying is Subjective

What are your definitions of bullying? Are those definitions useful to you? One of the major problem schools have in dealing with bullying is in how they define it. It’s not just a paper exercise in thinking up labels, it makes a massive difference as to whether the organisation takes action as result of an incident or not. If you have a child who is being bullied at school, the school will only help them if the teachers believe that whatever has... Read More