Bullying is Subjective

What are your definitions of bullying? Are those definitions useful to you? One of the major problem schools have in dealing with bullying is in how they define it. It’s not just a paper exercise in thinking up labels, it makes a massive difference as to whether the organisation takes action as result of an incident or not. If you have a child who is being bullied at school, the school will only help them if the teachers believe that whatever has... Read More

Being Bullied

An incredibly common question for victims of bullying to ask themselves is “Why is it happening to me?” Often this leads to a second, and an entirely unhelpful, question: “What’s wrong with me?” Unsurprisingly, the answers you come up with can lead to low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and reclusiveness. None of this will make the bullying stop. In fact, it’s far more likely to make you an even tastier target for the bullies. The question... Read More

Stop Bullying

In order to stop people bullying, it is important to understand how people are motivated to change their behaviours. If you are being bullied then, at the moment, the bullies have some motivation to bully you. They gain something emotionally as a result of hurting you. Emotional needs are incredibly powerful. All of us meet our emotional needs in one way or another. Some people use very positive means to meet their need and some people can... Read More

Get in The Corner to talk about bullying

Yesterday, ‘The Herald’ newspaper published an article on a poll by ‘The Corner’. The main outcome showed that: “Young people have a high awareness of bullying, but often don’t know what to do about it, or who to turn to” I have become increasing sceptical of bullying awareness campaigns. It is important to know what is going on in schools and workplaces, of course. But no bullying awareness campaign will... Read More

Amsterdam Marathon Please Sponsor Me

This Sunday I will be running the Amsterdam Marathon for Childline. I’m not a runner. Never have been. In fact, I don’t do a whole lot of exercise at all. However I do believe I can achieve this through strength of mind. Every one of my one-to-one clients experiences huge changes in their own beliefs. They are able to achieve so much more than they ever thought possible just by changing the way they think. I like to practice what I preach,... Read More

Bravado and threatening behaviour

Bravado and threatening behaviour Yesterday, I was stood between 2 people threatening to kill each other. One had accidentally hit the other by letting go of a spring loaded barrier (the kind used for guiding people in queues). The confrontation started with “Watch what you’re doing!” and escalated very quickly to “I’m going to destroy you!” Because we were standing in a queue, they were no more than arms length apart and, with me standing... Read More

How to help your child

It can be incredibly frustrating being a parent of a child who is being bullied. Most parents would do anything to protect their children from being deliberately harmed by others but often they can feel powerless to help. It can be especially frustrating when you know your child is being bullied but they won’t tell you about it. Or if they do, they will give a vague description of what is going on, likely missing out the very details you want... Read More

Bullying Advice

Every bullying situation is different. Bullies have a knack of finding out what buttons to press to get the reactions they want from you. So you have to be adaptable. Use the following general ideas by adapting them to suit your situation. Realise that bullying is ALWAYS ABOUT THE BULLY. I can´t stress this enough. People bully because they get something out of it. Sometimes it´s a feeling of control, significance, power or even inclusion. If they... Read More

Bullies

In order to change the behaviour of bullies it is important that we understand them. Most people find it difficult to comprehend bullying. How could people be so cruel? What would make someone want to hurt people? In this article, I would to offer you some insight into the mind of a bully so that you have a starting point for designing some ideas which can help to change the way they behave. Most bullies don’t know they are bullies. They don’t... Read More

Why is the bully picking on me?

This is the question that seems to crops up the most often from people being bullied. In many of the email enquiries I receive, I am asked this question in various different ways: “What have I done to deserve this?”, “what’s wrong with me?” etc. If you have ever asked yourself this question, I would like you to immediately change your focus. I want you to understand what is wrong with the question. Whose fault is the bullying? When a... Read More