How to Deal With Bullying

Posted: June 4, 2011 at 3:45 pm

This post was written by Mr Bullyproof

There are many ways of dealing with bullying. Some are more effective than others but the most important thing to appreciate is that every bullying situation is different. What will work well in one situation may well make things worse in another.

Because each bullying situation is unique, you need to be flexible. Bullies are usually very flexible themselves. They have to figure out which techniques will hurt you the most and which ones will get the ‘best’ reactions from you. People who bully regularly can be very efficient about finding out which buttons to press. Worryingly, this also means that when a bullying technique no longer works they can be quick to change their approach and find another way that does. So, if you are being bullied, you are going to have to be more flexible than the bullies. That means having many strategies up your sleeve and adapting each one to suit your own particular situation.

How bullies are effective

In order for a bully to be effective, they have to be able to hurt you. This hurt could be physical, psychological or both. So, if there is no hurt – there is no bullying. This is a really important concept. Bullying is subjective. A bully could give the same insult to five different people and each person will take the insult differently. John feels his pride has been hurt, Carol has become angry, Peter feels disrespected, Julie hates herself for not reacting well and Simon doesn’t take offence at all. If you ask them if they have been bullied, and they answer honestly, then four would say ‘yes’ but Simon would say ‘no.’

Of course, it’s very easy to say “don’t listen to them” or “don’t pay them any attention” but in practice that can be difficult to do. Usually, advice like this comes across as dismissive and victims of bullying rarely appreciate it. Ignoring bullies is a skill. It can be taught and developed. Pretending to ignore the bullies doesn’t work. There is a massive difference between the two. Pretending to not care is nothing like truly not caring.

You want the bully to change their behaviour towards you. In most cases, if they simply left you alone that would be perfect. Sometimes though, you may have to be able to get along with them, if you sit next to them in class, for example, or if they are your boss. One of the best ways of finding out what will work on them is to notice how other people react to them. I bet you know of several people who do not get bullied by the person who bullies you. I’m not asking you to become like someone else. You are a unique individual with your own personality and you should be proud of who you are. Just look for the small subtleties in body language, in voice tone and in their general manner. Sometimes it can be the smallest gesture that makes the biggest difference.

Find out about as many strategies as you possibly can. Speak to people who used to be bullied but who don’t get bullied any more. Don’t bother with advice from other victims. Get help from people that you trust and who you think can make a difference.

Finally, consider what it means to ‘deal with bullying.’ Do you really just want to ‘deal with’ the situation? To ‘manage’? To ‘cope’?  Or do you want the bullying to stop all together?

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