Mr BullyproofBeing Bullied
by Mr Bullyproof | Follow Him on Twitter Here
An incredibly common question for victims of bullying to ask themselves is “Why is it happening to me?” Often this leads to a second, and an entirely unhelpful, question: “What’s wrong with me?” Unsurprisingly, the answers you come up with can lead to low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and reclusiveness. None of this will make the bullying stop. In fact, it’s far more likely to make you an even tastier target for the bullies. The question you really need to ask yourself is “What am I going to do about it?”
Our very politically correct society seems to be very good at identifying problems, recognising why the problem is there and then explaining the problem to as many people as possible in the mistaken belief that the problem will then magically be solved. We all know that bullying is wrong but telling people that bullying is wrong simply does not stop it from happening. The blame lies firmly with the bullies but expecting them to change their behaviour just because we tell them to is unrealistic. The vast majority of bullies don’t consider themselves to be bullies anyway so they won’t even think it applies to them.
Every victim has their strategies, even if they don’t know it. Many choose to ‘acquiesce.’ To go along with the bullying, accept it, and even join in, perhaps by calling themselves the same names the bullies do. Many try to hide, become reclusive and have less and less contact with social groups. Some will lash out, either physically or verbally. Some will simply beg the bullies to leave them alone. Looking at these strategies objectively, none of them are likely to make the bullying stop. They may though, limit the amount and severity of the bullying. Here-in lies the trap. If you are caught up using strategies which limit the bullying then you are not using strategies which will get you out of the situation altogether.
Bullies have motivation to do what they do. Perhaps they have a need for control, for attention or for power. Whatever their needs are they will do whatever it takes to have them fulfilled. If that means hurting other people then so be it. Note that the chosen victims are incidental to this. Bullies will have their own strategies of choosing victims and it is always entirely based on who will be able to fulfil their needs. You don’t get bullied because you wear glasses, you get bullied because the bully gets something out of the experience of bullying you. Change the experience and you can change their behaviour.
So you have some new strategies to learn. Choose wisely who you learn from. The best people to go to are people who used to be bullied and figured out for themselves how to make it stop. Their advice is always worth listening to. You can ask others to help you solve the problem, such as a teacher or a manager. Make sure it’s someone you trust and that you believe will be effective. Finally, you can get training from a professional, such as myself and you can learn to not only stop the bullying but how to ensure that you never get bullied again….ever.
Now, what question would you like to ask yourself?
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